He Loves Me Not
by EchoSpell43
Summary: It's Valentine's Day and Baz has a plan to help him get over Simon. What could possibly go wrong with a love potion, right?


He Loves Me Not

February 13th

I fucking hate Valentine's Day. Maybe more than I hate Simon Snow. Maybe more than I love Simon Snow.

Every year it's the same old pining for Snow while he floats around the school in a haze of chocolate and pink hearts with Wellbelove. Every year I wind up passing the night in the Catacombs, surrounded by rat carcasses and skulls of former students. How romantic.

Last year was the worst one. Snow and his girlfriend were fighting and I managed to convince myself for just a second that there might be the slightest possibility that things could maybe one day work out with us. And then 3 hours later they were back together and I was in the wood pulling apart a bouquet of roses petal by petal until I was left with two bloodied hands and a pile of crushed stems.

He asked me where I was when I came back that night. _Accused_ me, like I was off plotting his downfall. I guess I was, in a way.

So that's why this year has to be different. I got the recipe out of a book in the library. Technically it's illegal, but I'm only planning to use it on myself, so what's the harm really? It's only a love potion.

I wasn't sure at first if it would work, if I could just make myself fall in love with somebody else even though I already love Snow. But I talked to Miss Possibelf (in completely abstract, for-research-purposes-only terms, of course) and she said a potion made by a talented mage should be able to overpower any preexisting love.

The plan is to drink it tomorrow night, Valentine's day night, and spend the night completely in love with _anyone who isn't Snow_. Preferably a girl, although I'm not sure whether love potions can alter sexual orientation. It seemed a bit too personal to ask a professor. The potion shouldn't last long, only eight hours, so by the morning I'll be back to fawning over Snow and hating myself, no harm done. I just won't have to spend another holiday in this pit of misery. I'll fall in love with the first person I see after drinking the potion.

Everything should be about ready with the potion. I've been brewing it in our bathroom for a week and Snow hasn't even noticed, not that I'm surprised. He hasn't noticed that I'm in love with him, after all.

I get up from my bed and go into the bathroom to check on it. Snow growls quietly as I pass him at his desk and I sneer back. Oh, to be young and in love.

I shut the bathroom door and pull out my cauldron from under the sink. The potion smells ridiculously sweet, like a unicorn threw up in it. The whole thing is bubbly pink and radiating its own heat, even though it's not over a flame. It looks disgusting.

But it'll be worth it. To stop the aching in my chest for even a few hours, it'll be worth it. To get over Simon, I'd give anything.

…..

February 14th

It's colder than I thought it would be today and snow is already piling up as I walk back from class. Fifteen minutes until the ache in my chest stops. Ten minutes.

I saw Snow this morning at breakfast. He didn't look too happy, but I suppose it's just because his darling Wellbelove was nowhere to be seen.

Five minutes.

I pull open the door of Mummers and race up the stairs, pulling off my gloves as I go. Snow shouldn't be upstairs. He always stays away from the room as much as possible.

Four minutes.

I round the corner at the last landing and open the door to my room. Our room.

And I see Snow with his back to me, chugging a bottle of sparkly pink potion.

This fucking idiot.

He starts to turn around when he hears me come in and I see just a flash of blue eyes before I'm across the room, a hand pressed over his eyes.

No. No no no no no no no.

He squirms in my grip for a moment and I almost relax. He didn't see me. This is not going to happen because it can't happen. Because if it does I swear it will kill me.

And then he relaxes. And I know he saw me because the next word out of his mouth is a soft, "Baz?"

Fuck.

He wriggles out of my hold and stares at me through starry eyes, a massive smile already spreading over his face.

Something does a backflip in my chest. I've always wanted him to look at me like that. But now he's doing it because I fucking _drugged_ him and he doesn't have a choice.

He continues his staring a moment longer and then rushes toward me with open arms. I catch him by the wrists and hold him at arm's length.

"Snow, snap out of it. You hate me. I'm an evil murderous vampire killing machine. You told me as much just yesterday."

He looks at me like I had just kicked him. "Why would I say that?" He blinks through his ridiculously long eyelashes and I want to die. "You're perfect. You're gorgeous and brilliant and so funny and I lo-"

I cut him off with a shove toward his side of the room. I can't hear that. I can't.

If unrequited love for Snow was painful, this is a hundred times worse. Seeing the way he's looking at me, hearing the things he's saying, and knowing he doesn't mean any of it- this is hell.

He races back to me and throws his arms around me, pinning my arms to my sides and reaching up to kiss me on the cheek.

A flare goes off in my heart and for a split second my mind goes completely blank. Simon Snow is holding me. Simon Snow just kissed me.

His sudden fixation on my lips draws me back into reality.

"Simon, no."

"But why?" he whines, stomping like a little kid.

"Because you're not thinking straight. You need to go to bed, okay? And I need to leave right now."

His arms tighten around me. "No! You can't go! You have to stay here with me."

I look up at the ceiling. I am in physical pain. In fact, I'm dying. I'm already dead, but I'm dying all over again because of this stupid boy and his stupid curls and his stupid lack of control over the things he ingests.

"Not tonight, Snow." I pry one of his arms off of me and then move to the other. The first immediately slams back down onto my waist.

"Baz. Bazbabazbaz." He giggles. He's practically drunk on the potion. "Dance with me."

He starts swaying in place. I step out of the way of his feet and he seems to take this as dancing because he smiles up at me again with heart eyes.

That's it. That's fucking it.

I grab his legs and scoop him up over my shoulder and then put him down on his bed, holding his shoulders down. "Snow, stay here."

"No," he says, a pout on his lips. His face is so close to mine I can feel his breath on my cheeks.

"Yes," I say, pressing down more firmly on his shoulders. "Go to sleep and I'll be back when you wake up."

"No," he says again, and he tilts his head up before I know what's happening.

He tastes like cinnamon and toothpaste and cherries. His lips are soft and they melt into mine like they were built to fit. He sighs and I hate myself I fucking hate myself. I pull away from him. Every cell in my body is on red alert. He kissed me. Simon kissed me. On the lips. With _his_ lips.

I back away from him and turn to the door. I need to get out. I need to pretend this never happened and pray that he doesn't remember it tomorrow. I think it would kill both of us if he did.

He catches my hand. "Stay. I'm sorry. Stay. I don't know why you don't like me, but I need you, Baz. Just stay." The heart eyes are out again and I know it's the potion talking. I know.

"If I stay, will you go to sleep?"

He nods vigorously.

I start to walk over to my side of the room but he holds fast to my hand. "No, _with me_."

I look down at him, all rumpled curls and soft edges. He's already scooting over in the bed and pulling me down next to him.

"Simon, I-"

"Shh, just hold me, okay?"

He tucks himself into my side and pulls my arm over himself. He's so warm. And I'm so weak.

"You're just going to sleep, right?"

"Mhhmm," he says, nestling his head into my neck.

"Nothing's going to happen."

He kisses my shoulder and I shiver.

"Go to sleep."

"Fine," he whines, wrapping an arm around my waist.

Eight hours. The potion lasts eight hours.

"And when you wake up you can go back to hating me and I can go back to being stupidly in love with you."

He doesn't hear that, because he's already asleep in my arms.

….

February 15th

I wake up in a haze of smoke and cinnamon, Simon still wrapped around me, hair splaying out at every possible angle. It'll be over the moment he wakes up. The moment he realizes I'm here. I take one last look at him.

His lips are hanging open (mouth breather) and the skin around his eyes is crinkled the tiniest amount, like he's squinting in his sleep.

Then I shift in the bed, and Simon stirs next to me. He leans over to me and presses his lips against my forehead. "Good morning, love," he murmurs.

I freeze. He freezes. The entire world stops turning.

His eyes are wide open now and he falls backward out of the bed and onto the floor. I stand up just as quickly.

"It... it wore off. Hours ago. The potion… so you?" It hits me all at once. "You're in love with me."

He shoots up from the floor and starts backing toward the door. "No I- what?! That's crazy! You're insane, Baz, completely mad."

I trail after him. "Why did you drink the potion then?"

"I thought it was a Valentine's gift, from Penny," he says, eyes jerking around the room.

"You drank a love potion because you thought it was from Bunce?"

"Well I didn't know it was a love potion, did I?!"

His back is pressed up against the door now and I keep moving towards him until I have him cornered, my hands on either side of him on the door.

"Admit it, Snow. You're crazy about me."

"You're a bloodsucking demon." He looks down.

"Yes, but you love it."

"You're plotting my demise. Probably right now. I'd have to have a death wish to like you."

I put my lips up against his ear. "Who said anything about _like_?"

He swallows. "Besides," he says, "You've made it very clear how you feel about _me_."

I turn to look him in the eye. "Simon, you're an idiot."

I take him by the waist and pull him in. His lips come up to meet mine and this time it's real. This time it's just us. This time I'm flying.

Somehow, all of the shredded roses, all of the curses and thrown punches and every tear I shed over this stupid boy- all of it just disappears.

Because I'm stupidly, inexplicably, hopelessly in love with him.

And he finally knows.


End file.
